Few years ago during my first ever relationship, I was kind of in depression due to constant quarreling with my ex. I still remember one fren, Stacey told me, "U look very unhappy, u dont look like matthew we used to know..Being in love is suppose to make u happy". And now,,im in another relationship. No we dont quarrel..Mattew of fact, I like how we both handle argument(mostly i got angry,while he is always at his best to cool me down).. But still, im always unhappy, due to the fact that Im a paranoia. Im always so afraid somebody cheating on me,lying straight to my face, or fooling around at my back. This all fears can be traced back to the incidents happened on my previous college. Im always in fear although he promised to be loyal. I myself couldnt figure out why am I behaving this way..It drives me insane,,really...Again,,Stacey told me to be brave to accept challenges and not be afraid to be in love again.. Yes,,im trying..but its just so hard. Sometimes i wake up in morning with all the negative thinking in my mind, and end up crying,,,for no reason... I ever tot of giving up this whole relationship for once and all. But I just couldnt do it..I love him,for sure, and I do not want to give up so easily...So,,all I can do now is pray to God to lead me all the way without giving me up.
And to all the ppl outside(Im not pointing at anyone in particular) Pls,,,be loyal in ur relationship...When u are not loyal towards ur Significant Others, U just have no idea how much u hurt them, and how u crush their fragile heart into million of pieces. Maybe for u who are not loyal, u think that having fun outside is just solely fun and the person u love is ur SO.. NO!!! This is not how relationship works. The policy of love is simple : If u want to be in relationship, then U can no longer fool around outside. But if u still want to have fun, then pls,,dont ever involve in a relationship. U cant have relationship with ur SO and still fuck around... Pls,,,be loyal, and love with ur whole heart!!!
Im listening to PaulStokeUK's songs..I had always been a great fan of him. And,,in the same time, i weep. Yes,,Im weak..I weep. Recently , I have been feeling very depressed. I had been all along all these while. I faced the laptop from the moment i woke up, till the moment i sleep.
I just feel so depressed. I had already lost all my fren. I had not been contacting my hometown fren. I just, lost contact. Sometimes i feel that, they dont care for me.. but i know its not their problem. Its my problem. Solely my own problem. After i moved to Segi, i have no fren there, but I still have great fren from Tarc. So I always tell my classmates,,Im going here,,there with my good frens from Tarc. But, recently, our relationship begins to loose and sour. We have all gone seprately to our paths. Now, I no longer have them as my good frens. We no longer contact anymore. We no longer see each other. And I know, Its not their fault. They have their busy life. They have their dreams to pursue. They have their path to walk on. Its all my problem. Sorely my own negative minded influenced me to think bad thing about everything. I just want to cry... I just want somebody to hug me. I just want somebody to care for me. But, no one is here. No, it's not their fault. Its my own problem. Sorely my own problem...
Go to Jusco and shop like househusband and housewife.
My time in 126-1-8 with Hwei Xian, Chili, Lance, Sittos,Garfield, Xellrene, And Wan ee..
Play American Idol with me being Randy, Wan ee being Paula , Lance being Simon and Sittos being the contestant.
Pillow talk night with Xian, Xellrene and so on.
Sing K with my lovely buddies at Redbox
Sunway lagoon, Genting and PD trip with my buddies.
Chit-chatting with my buddies: Xian, garfield, lance, sittos, xellrene, wan ee, chili, ah sue.
Things I hope to do in the future.
Buy RayBan / Emporio Armani / Marc Jacob sunglasses for myself.
Graduate as soon as possible.
Take up the Work and Travel program to either US or France(To clear up my mind, Restructure my life, and make decision on what I want to do in my life)
be an Air Steward or Journalism Broadcaster? ( I really wish I can)
Study oversea ( learn to be independent )
Always be handsome gorgeous sophisticated urban DUDE ( Im gay,,so no big deal )
There was once a guy who is very ambitious. He dreamed of going to oversea to study, and work oversea although he is quite poor. And he started studying college..One day during his mid-term exam, his friend msg him to tell him that his best fren was involved in an accident and died instantly, in an ugly way. He was very sad as this is his second fren leaving the world.He even got betrayed by another best fren.But life goes on..Soon, when he almost graduate from college,, he was expelled from college..All his dreams,,going oversea to study, becoming an air-steward,,,all are gone in one glimpse..
He was blur and not knowing what to do..He worked for his fren..And in the time when he was really poor,, he got robbed by some mat rempit on his way back from work..
Soon,he started college in a new place,,thinking everything will be a new fresh start...But he was wrong..He has no frens in that college..He was all alone...In that time, he even lost his hp in college...
He was thinking,,why is these all bad things happened to him..
But soon times passed,,,he realized that these are all just challenges in our life..Life full of Ups and Downs..They are all challenges to make us stronger in our life..
And yes,,,this person is me...Now,,,i look back at everything that happened to me as experience..I also feel tired sometimes...But u know what...There is one thing that keep me going in my life..That is my dream..I still want to go oversea to study...I still want to see the world,,explore Europe,,explore US,,explore China...I still want to become an air-steward..Thats what keep me going everyday...and my family,,like ur family too,, are always at our back supporting us..Remember that...Life is tough...Only the strong one can make it through!!!
Expressing myself to the world through my blog...Leave some comment yea,,I Will appreciate it...Have a look at http://profiles.friendster.com/matthew89 ...Thanks~~
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